Relationships That Will Take You To The Top
Commanding Influence: Build A Strong Online Presence
I’m an Infantryman in the United States Army. In the army we have what we call battle buddies.
If I get pinned down in a fire fight, I need someone to yell to me what they see, to provide cover fire for me, and to throw grenades for me from their position…and I strive to provide the same for them.
We look to protect each other, to grab each other and drag each other back to safety if one of us get shot or wounded. I also need their encouragement and I provide encouragement to them.
In my line of work, this relationship is absolutely vital. In some circumstance not only my success but also my life may even depend on it.
This relationship between two combat soldiers is the same as the relationships that we need to be building if we plan on taking our blogs on to bigger and better things. Reaching the upper levels of blogging is a grueling battle. It’s nearly impossible for someone to do on their own. That’s why you need battle buddies.
5 Benefits of Strong Blogging Relationships
The benefits of strong friends who are willing to provide you with honest feedback simply can’t be overstated.
- You need friends who can criticize your design and help you to improve it.
- You need outside, unbiased opinions about your writing and your content.
- You need someone who can build you with their strengths and in turn be built by yours.
- You need a fellow blogger to exchange guest posts with.
- You need someone who will take an interest in your site as you take an interest in their site.
Stop looking at other bloggers as your competition and start viewing them as allies. Contact them. Chat with them. Find each others strengths and weaknesses and build each other up.
Group Discussion:
What ways can you think of that you could use to reach out to other bloggers? How can you connect with other bloggers and build them up?
What are your strengths that you can use to build up others that you connect with? What are your weaknesses that you would like other bloggers to help you with?
Ron Boracay said:
With this statement Nick:
“Stop looking at other bloggers as your competition and start viewing them as allies.”
I think its a contrary on your other comment or post I read here that says treat other bloggers including you as a competitor.
Anyway, this post is targeted to the relationship thing and the one I read is targeted to the competition mindset subject.
Having companion or a friend to go along with you is like walking with someone on the road.
It’s just like my fav quote:
“If you want to go fast, walk alone. If you want to go far, walk together or with a companion.”
So relationship is really essential.
Andrew said:
Ron you’re right in a sense that it could be seen as somewhat contradictory but as you pointed out if considered within context then it makes perfect sense.
What I think Nick is saying here is that you need to network with other, like minded bloggers to help each other along.
The best way is to align yourself with bloggers who are in a broadly similar niche so that you are not in direct competition with each other. This way you will be able to support and compliment each others work.
Ron Boracay said:
Thanks for the elaboration Andrew. Yeah, I got what Nick’s trying to deliver.
You can’t be an authority blogger within your niche unless those bloggers within your niche gets along with you.
ZXT said:
Right on the money Andrew. If there’s even a competitor then those are the blogs that you don’t even know or those who didn’t make a connection with your bog. Otherwise the network of blogs we have, like here in SS01 are all buddies.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Ron Boracay –> I don’t think that I contradict myself when talking about the competition. In that post, I recommended that you compete even with your best friends. I told a story of getting together and competing with my best friend…my greatest ally…and together we both became stronger for it. We actually used competition as one element of our relationship to make us stronger. It’s a unity of opposites.
Ron Boracay said:
I think I just get my self on the literal meaning of what you are really trying to say Nick. It seems like I got to re read them more for me to differentiate and really internalize the true essence or true meaning of those statements.
Arisu said:
Ron>>
Well, you can see it for many different points of view, you can see it as having allies to compite with, or making alliances to compite together, or even allies that chanllenge each other to improve.
Also, are you competing with other bloggers? Or your competition is against apathy, poor conversations and comments in your blog, little traffic? Or even your own insecurity?
I think you need to have clear, not only why you blog and what do you want to achieve, but also what are the obstacles between you and those goals, and who can help you to overcome them.
Ron Boracay said:
Good point there mate, Although, I think, we all have the same goal why we blog, we still take different means or directions when trying to reach our main goal.
Arisu said:
Actually people blog for many different reasons, so we use different ways to communicate in order to get what we want to achieve.
Ron Boracay said:
THanks for the inputs mate. It certainly gives me something to think and ponder upon.
Eric B. said:
Interesting post. It would be useful to get the opinion of another blogger before you publish a post, to quickly get an idea of what people might think of it.
Also, if you aren’t getting a lot of comments on your blog yet, it can be helpful for other bloggers to comment on each other’s posts.
Andrew said:
Eric I’ve recently started doin exactly that, asking a fellow blogger and peer, to review my posts and offer me their advice before I publish the article.
The result has been a massive improvement in my writing because I was making some serious mistakes that I just didn’t notice.
It sometimes takes an outside perspective to help you to see what you may not be able to.
When I was working in sales and marketing, we used to refer to this as ‘smell your own aftershave’.
When you wear aftershave you can’t really smell it yourself yet others know that you’ve gone overboard.
So getting another persons ideas about your posts works exactly the same way. They’ll see (or smell) the things that you are immune to.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Eric B. –> That’s exactly right. Comments really make a blog appear alive and they provide that warm inviting feel of a community. Exchanging quality comments is a great way to help build that feeling on each others sites.
Andrew said:
Nick, that’s a great piece of advice. The key though is that if you ask for someones criticism or advice, you must also be willing to accept it even if it’s not the opinion of praise.
Sometimes we don’t like to hear about our mistakes, but acknowledging them and learning from them will build you not only into a better blogger but a better person.
Ron Boracay said:
Criticism in a right manner and in a right words is acceptable but criticism like you just committed an unforgivable mistake and the person that criticizes your work tells the whole world about it, its unacceptable!
Andrew said:
Well I think that if they were to tell the world about it then they wouldn’t really be a ‘battle buddy’.
But if I going to make an unforgivable mistake, then I’d rather my buddy pull me up about it, bluntly, than going on to make that mistake and possibly destroy all the work that I had previously done.
You can be brutally honest with someone and still have courtesy about it.
Ron Boracay said:
Its all about the choices of words to use and how you are going to criticize your buddy’s work or vice versa.
Brutal honesty, sometimes, can’t help that much. Its the nice way of criticism that helps much, I guess.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Ron Boracay –> I disagree. I value negative feedback about as much as anything. It doesn’t offend me if someone let’s me know that they hate something I’ve done and if they tell me that they think I’m the devil. I want to know what I can improve and I want to make it better. We have to get that mindset. I know that I’m not perfect. I accept that I will make mistakes. And I realize that when people are pointing them out that it will only make me stronger.
Maybe it’s just the military man in me. If someone is failing to meet the physical standards we say to them, “Hey you. You are failing to do the proper amount of push ups. Each day after work you’re going to do 150 push ups before you go home.” Then that person grows until they meet the standard and they are the better for it. We don’t sit around and complain about the tone that our Sergeants use with us. We recognize that it is to make us better. They sometimes cuss at us and yell at us, but as soldiers we realize that it is only to prepare us to be stronger and more capable of dealing with the stress of a combat situation.
If my Drill Sergeant never yelled at me and taught me the right way to nail every target I see with the M16/M4 Rifle then the first time my buddies or I see combat we would be dead men. Do you want your blog to die? Because I don’t think so. We want it to be successful. So value even the harshest of criticisms.
ZXT said:
Good analogy Nick. I also experienced this with my dad when I was young. At that time, I get angry if my dad was hard to please and he always criticize me. I think if he didn’t do that then I doing worst in my life right now. Now I understand everything and I got a kid of my own now too.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
ZXT –> That’s a great example of someone who helped shape you into a better person. Sometimes the way our parents rebuke us isn’t fun, but it helps us to mature and develop into stronger, better people. We need that rough feedback in our lives. It is a good thing.
ZXT said:
Yes now I understand. Now I’m giving the same advice to my 5 year old kid. Do good in school, do your homework, don’t get into fight, respect your elders, etc.
Thats why I make it to a point to tell these things to my son the way he will understand it so he will do better than I did in everything. There should be an improvement in every generation.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
ZXT –> That’s a good point too. You want the next generation of your family to be even better than you and I want you all as bloggers coming after me to be even better than me. So learn from my example and then learn even more and do better than I do.
Ron Boracay said:
What I am trying to say is, people who criticizes me or hate don’t have to tell other people about me and why they hate me. It’s just like making a gossip about me and my personality. And that is what I hate.
If people hate me or criticizes me, I want them to tell me those words personally, not in public.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Ron Boracay –> But that has nothing to do with our conversation. Nobody mentioned gossip here. We were talking completely about getting a battle buddy will provide you with honest feedback about your work. That has nothing to do with anything else.
Ron Boracay said:
Alright Nick, sorry if I am getting nonsense here. Hehe.
Anyway, I really get the point here, but I am just saying “the right way and manners in delivering feedbacks or alike”.
Thats all for me.
jan geronimo said:
“I value negative feedback about as much as anything. It doesn’t offend me if someone lets me know that they hate something I’ve done…”
Exactly. Blogging buddies need to be more open to honest and well-meaning criticisms. If you’re really driven to excel it will benefit you if pay equal attention to the negative feedback as well as the positive ones.
Negative feedback is the world holding your feet to the fire, with the hope you’d strive to get better.
But of course I’m disarmed too by highly supportive friends and readers by the way.
My Latest Blog Post: Metric that Trumps Alexa Ranking and PageRank
Nicholas Cardot said:
jan geronimo –> Exactly. I like how you phrased that, “Negative feedback is the world holding your feet to the fire, with the hope you’d strive to get better.” That’s exactly how I feel. We need to stop getting upset and start getting stronger.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Andrew –> You are exactly right. Lately I’ve had people asking me for my opinion about their blogs or websites and when I first started out I was very hesitant to put my opinion out if I didn’t like something that I saw. But recently I’ve been learning that I’m not doing anyone any good if I sugar coat the truth. We’re not going to grow if we’re not accepting criticisms of our work and growing from them. If we ask for someone’s opinion and they simply tell us, “It looks great!” then they aren’t really helping us at all.
Here’s the deal. People are going to criticize our sites. But the person who is willing to tell us their criticisms is at least giving us a chance to keep them as a reader by allowing us to fix it and improve it. Those who simply click away (which is what most people will do) will probably never be seen again.
So value negative feedback. Don’t get upset. Remember that when you physically push yourself to exercise to the point that you are tired, weak and sore and then you fill your body with the nutrients it needs to recover, then you will be the stronger for it. Get feedback that is brutally honest and then fill your site with the needed care and grow stronger for it.
HelpfulAdvisor said:
Nick, I am SO on board with your comment on this. Too many times I’ve asked friends to critique my site and my writing, and all I got was “it looks great!”.
That didn’t help, although they meant well. However, by doing exactly what your article suggests, I too have been able to make huge strides in just a short time with my blog. Making like-minded friends that are willing to go out on a limb and be critical to help you grow is valuable beyond belief!
Even though our friends and family mean well, they are in a sense biased. Bias doesn’t help us in the long run, even though they mean well by trying to encourage us.
Criticism can be constructive or destructive. If it’s constructive, it can be about what you did right and what you can do to improve. If it’s destructive, then it’s negative by nature, tells you only what you did wrong, and can be toxic as well as demoralizing.
There are many ways to peel this onion, but suffice it to say, I wholeheartedly believe in the value of good relationships that are meant from the beginning to help each other grow.
Thanks for another spectacular article, Nick!
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
HelpfulAdvisor –> You’re welcome, Jay. I appreciate your feedback. You’re right. I think that we look at our site through rose-tinted glasses filled with optimism. We think about how great it looks instead of searching for ways to improve it and grow it.
ZXT said:
Right Andrew. Prepare to be critize if you ask for it and don’t expect to be light too.
Sometimes we ask for a critic but we are not ready to accept if the response is so negative.
Also make that a lesson learned and take it positively.
Ron Boracay said:
Alright, just see to it that you will leverage or see something on that negative feedback. I mean, just make it as your stepping stone.
ZXT said:
Perfect example Nick, but I’m glad you haven’t been to battle yet and hopefully don’t need to.
I really think, we as bloggers can be really all allies. I mean if we are all after the ads then we don’t need to worry because ads are here to stay and there’s plenty for everyone.
Now if we are all after are readers and buddies then thats much better.
Arisu said:
Zee>>
I totally agree with you – and one of the things I base my life in is “there’s plenty for everyone”: there´s enough readers, comments, resources and money out there for everyone, you just need to reach out and get yours.
Of course the “reach out” takes a lot of effort and it has it´s ups and downs. But if it was an easy victory, it wouldn´t be so exciting.
ZXT said:
I’m glad we share the same opinion Arisu. Like the saying goes…”Great minds think alike”
Back to topic, relationships is so vital to almost everything. Work, Family, Friends, Online and so on. If you can not build a healthy relationship then there’s goes the battle for you, its half lost already.
Arisu said:
And we are great minds indeed ^^
Besides socialize is the perfect way to make it to the top, with your personal life, work and internet – our most dear friends and relatives are the ones that spend time with us, or even if far away find ways to show they care; people hires people they wanna work with and so on.
The most valuable thing you can get out of this life are the memories shared with the people you meet through it.
ZXT said:
You are so right Arisu. The only problem right now for me is to find time. I have full day job that requires 12 hours a day including travel to and from work. So that leaves me only 12 hours for family time, sleep, blogging and socializing and other things in life that require time.
Usually sleep suffers as I only get an average of 5 hours a day on weekdays.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
ZXT –> I’m in the same boat with you. I work about 60 – 70 hours per week. I’m only been home for 12 hours out of the past 2 weeks. This is actually the first time that I’ve even been home since a week ago today. But it can be done. Don’t sacrifice your family time, but also you can also make a little time for the things that you’re passionate about.
Arisu said:
Yeah, me too, I spend 12 hours out of the house, and when I get home I´m too tired to do my own stuff. Also, I live with my sister and a terrible roomate, so I´m in charge of cleanning and paying bills.
But I know it´s up to me to make time for the things I want, and some sacrifice it´s needed to be an extraordinary person. And I´m willing to do some sacrifice
Judith said:
How about a different POV?
I’ve never looked at any other Blogger has competition. And I rarely look at my online activities through that lens.
I simply do what I have a passion about combined with ethics and integrity. If you are not genuine and honest you won’t be able to build anything for the long haul.
We are all unique and have our own personalities and focus. Even if similar, no one is me and I’m not you.
I have always prioritized sharing, learning and mentoring. If I can be of assistance, I’m so there. By doing so that good will or “karma” does in fact come back to me in one way or another.
What I like about hanging out here is not only the thoughtful quality of posts and comments, but you get the distinct impression Nick is approachable.
Far too many Blogs have become over the top commercial and the Bloggers aren’t’ around enough, too “busy” to respond to comments or reply to e-mails when you reach out.
It’s all about doing what you clearly love and the conversation. Remember that and you will have no problem going to the top!
ZXT said:
Judith that is some refreshing thoughts you’ve just shared with us.
Like what I’ve mentioned in another post, Nick is one of the most genuine person I’ve known in blogging.
He’s like a friend by everyone and you can see it right away that he write with a passion and helping his fellow bloggers in mind.
And unlike those top bloggers who’s earning thousands $$$ a day, Nick’s approach is very personal and I’m crossing my fingers that he stays that way and I bet he will.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
ZXT –> There’s no need to keep your fingers crossed. I hope to stay this way for a good long time. I don’t think that I’ll disappoint you. I plan on being around here for a good long time.
ZXT said:
That was nice to hear Nick. You can’t blame me though for crossing my fingers as people change over time.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
ZXT –> People do change. That’s true. But since this is one of the cornerstones that I’m trying to build my blogging career on, I’m going to try to stay with it for as long as I can.
Ron Boracay said:
Nice to hear those words from you Nick. Its your passion and sincerest care about this blog and the community SS101 built that can work wonders.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Judith –> I hope that you feel I’m approachable. I’ve had the privilege of chatting with many people on here via Skype and GTalk and I’m thrilled every time someone feels that they can get in touch with me. I believe that this quality will give me a great head start as I work to grow this site and it will do the same for anyone else who is willing to put this principle to work for them.
One of the unique things that I really love about blogging is that it is almost completely geared towards interaction between the author and reader. This is what sets it apart from just a regular website. Connecting with others is something that I’m passionate about. I absolutely love it. Thanks so much, Judith.
Arisu said:
Judith>>
I´d say that´s the female point of view -hurra for that-, and while guys should learn that not everything is about competing; I think girls should learn the opposite: there is nothing wrong with competing and we could improve so much more by doing so.
Judith said:
Now, let’s not make this a guy vs. gal thing! My comments are not based on my gender.
When I started consulting 15 years ago, (after being an engineer for a Japanese components company — you want to talk about competing?) I was VERY competitive.
Fast forward to now and I have the luxury of being able to have a different POV (not a female point of view). I don’t worry about competing because I am established and kept busy based on referrals.
My point was, that no matter how focused you are on the “competition” perceived or otherwise, without passion, honesty, integrity and completely understanding the dynamics of what makes a good site/Blog — nothing else matters (not even your gender).
Arisu said:
Judith>>
I´ve never said it was a guy vs. gal thing – sorry if it came out like that – I just think is funny how the comments focused on the “competition” part of the topic and not on the “make allies, build relationships with other bloggers” part, and it was one of the few women around who come up with a different perspective.
I believe that passion, honesty, integrity and understanding are the most important things in life, blogging is part of life, so the same thing applies, right?
Judith said:
Arisu >>
We’re on the same page… I took a different angle because the “make allies, build relationships with other bloggers” was something all previous commentors agreed on and only wanted to add that we should not be so focused on competition that one loses site of other important factors.
Valid points all around!
ZXT said:
Ladies I think we are on the same boat, it was just rocking from one side to another thats why sometimes we are having a little misunderstanding.
Everyone has their own good points and if we add this all up then we get out with more valid points!
Now we became all buddies and we have all the tools to succeed in this world.
Ron Boracay said:
Right on the pot Judith, Its all about the passion, honesty and the ethics that you will share and develop that will carry you and of course your blog all the way to the top.
Sat Chen said:
Great example. This is a great idea.
Bruce Teague said:
So true. It’s hard to get one in the early phases though. Nobody really wants to be buddies with the guy who doesn’t get enough traffic that it will benefit their blog if they guest post on your site.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Here you go, Bruce. I’ll make this offer to you publicly right here…right now. Ooooh. Are you ready for it?
I’ll guest post at your site. That is if you will have me. You name the topic and I’ll write a post that is a minimum of 350 words. I’ll have it out to you as soon as possible. How does that offer sound?
Bruce Teague said:
I accept.
You can chose from parenting or marriage. You can follow the topic loosely.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Bruce Teague –> Alright. You’ll have one within the next couple of days.
HelpfulAdvisor said:
Bruce, initially I thought the same thing. However, I’ve found that when you connect with like-minded people in a community setting, and allow the real you to shine, you attract others.
As I was simply enjoying the connections with people online, I was approached to be a blog buddy by more than one person. These people had successful blogs all on their own, but invited me, to which I hadn’t anything to offer but the real me.
I come to find out that they wanted the real me more than my traffic! I was very pleasantly surprised. Alliances and relationships don’t always have to be strategic. Sometimes they can just be… fun! I’d look forward to learning more about Bruce Teague.
-Jay
Arisu said:
Glad to hear that! And looks like now you have a very successful blog yourself.
I think is all about communication and honesty – if you want to get to know someone because you really like them (not because of what they can do for you), you´ll not only have blogging buddies, but real friends.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Arisu –> That’s exactly right. Sincerity and real friendship is worth more than an ‘asset’ anyways.
Arisu said:
I don´t think that´s 100% true. Some people may think that way, but some other people won´t mind at all.
But try to make friends with people you like because of what they are, not because they´re great bloggers – then get to know them as they are, not as great bloggers – and then ask them for a favor, and they won´t say no.
Reza Winandar said:
My suggestion is by creating a blogging alliance. Blogging alliance bring many benefits, such as a stable traffic and a lot of qualified comments.
Nicholas Z. Cardot said:
Reza Winandar –> Those are good points. I think that the benefits of having friends to work with just can’t be counted. Every day you could think of a new way to help each other.
Blake @ props blog ideas said:
Compition does not mean hostility. I really liked that you pointed out a need of compition and honest criticism to push your blog to its maximum potential.
Building friendly compition is a great idea.
Ron Boracay said:
That’s the perfect word for this one:
Healthy and Friendly competition!
jan geronimo said:
I have a loose alliance of blog buddies and this part of your recommendation I’m having a hard time introducing:
“# You need friends who can criticize your design and help you to improve it.
# You need outside, unbiased opinions about your writing and your content.”
But we’re a young group. I will not rush it. Who says I need to rush it eh? Although quite frankly, I wish I could at this stage. Guess, I just have to be more creative with my approach then.
My Latest Blog Post: Metric that Trumps Alexa Ranking and PageRank
Nicholas Cardot said:
jan geronimo –> It’s difficult because not many people are strong enough to let you be brutally honest about their site and still keep smiling. And often that insecurity leads to the fact that they won’t provide that kind of honesty for you because of their fear that they will offend you.
Robomaster said:
As I mentioned earlier, I’m having a hard time finding a blogger in a similar niche to me that is willing to work hard and has the same goals in mind. How should I find them?
My Latest Blog Post: The Recipe to an Awesome Webapp
Nicholas Cardot said:
Robomaster –> It takes time. Keep meeting new people and focus on what you can bring to the table to make their experiences better. I made a couple of friends by helping them with their blog templates for free and now we chat and give each other ideas all the time. Focus on what you can do for them and not what they can do for you.
Robomaster said:
My problem isn’t that I’m not willing to help others, it’s that I can’t find people to help in the first place. Many of the peers I get to know have differences (such as not being able to speak English, having different goals for their blog, or being in a irrelevant niche to what I blog about) that makes it very hard for us to work together. How do you find people who are in the same niche as you and have similar levels of traffic?
My Latest Blog Post: The Recipe to an Awesome Webapp
Nicholas Cardot said:
Robomaster –> What are you wanting other bloggers to do for you? What type of cooperation are you looking for? Plus, remember that another blogger doesn’t have to be in your same niche to help you and share ideas with. One of my best blogging buddies writes in a different niche than I do and we help each other nearly every day.
Derek Jensen said:
This would also be referred to as the ‘secret’ blogging alliance.
I have always been a strong believer in that relationships are key and what I have noticed is that when I connect with people that share the same goal or mindset there really have just become my friend.
What I have always been intrigued in doing with another blogger is a co-project. Like starting a blog together with another person or coming out with a physical product together.
My strengths that I offer are my open ideas and opinions and the willingness to always help out the best I can.
My weaknesses are that I always question myself and get easily side tracked and need help staying focused on what I really need to be doing.