The Amazing Power of Friendship Marketing
If you look at the sidebar of Site Sketch 101, you’ll see that I don’t ask folks to follow me on Twitter. I ask people to friend me. Of course, that could just be posturing.
I’m finding, however, that there’s a striking a difference between the people who work around the clock to build followers and those who are working to make friends.
Some of you spend your time following people with the hopes of being followed back. There are even hash tags that some include in their tweets to let people know that they follow back. Whether deployed on Twitter, Facebook or any other social media platform, this strategy isn’t about friendship. It’s about the reciprocation, the self-promotion and the idea of personal gain.
Some others I see, spend their time building friends online. Instead of asking their connections to share their content, they work to build conversations, to know their connections and to build relationships with them.
It’s difficult to build genuine relationships and friendships in 140 character but there are two important things you should always remember. First, although it’s difficult, it can be done. Second, Twitter provides a terrific launch pad to take your connection more personal through Facebook chat, Skype or, as you’ll see below, real life.
The Overlooked Relationship Potential of Social Media
You can build real relationships online. Anyone who tells you otherwise is saying this because they’ve never experienced the thrill of a new friend.
Just follow this Twitter conversation between Chris Porter and myself and try tell me that friendships can’t be formed 140 characters at a time.
@67tallchris Thanks, Chris. How have you been?
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:35 PM from TweetDeck in reply to 67tallchris
@Nicholas_Cardot Been a bit sick, little cold, but still plugging away. Saw you like to run, been running lately?
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:36 PM from TweetDeck in reply to Nicholas_Cardot@67tallchris Actually, I've taken last week and this week off for the holidays. Next week I'll be running at least 5 miles a day again.
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:38 PM from TweetDeck in reply to 67tallchris@Nicholas_Cardot that is good to do. I am training for a half marathon in jan, was never a runner till I got into it in May.
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:39 PM from TweetDeck in reply to Nicholas_Cardot@67tallchris Where are you running your half in January? If it's within a few hours of DC, I would run it with you.
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:40 PM from TweetDeck in reply to 67tallchris@Nicholas_Cardot That would be awesome!! But it is in Phoenix. I would like to run the Boston marathon sometime, wanna try for that?
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:41 PM from TweetDeck in reply to Nicholas_Cardot@Nicholas_Cardot Jan 16th, P.F. Changs Rock n Roll. I wanted to do the full, but just have not put in enough long runs.
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:42 PM from TweetDeck in reply to Nicholas_Cardot@67tallchris Is it sold out? I can get a ticket to fly out and run it for $311.
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:44 PM from TweetDeck in reply to 67tallchris@Nicholas_Cardot Looks like it is still open http://bit.ly/gPdO89
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:51 PM from TweetDeck in reply to Nicholas_Cardot@Nicholas_Cardot That would be awesome man! There are about 14 people from sbux around Tucson I have talked into doing the half
Dec 29, 2010 @ 05:52 PM from TweetDeck in reply to Nicholas_CardotA flew from Washington DC to Phoenix, AZ this past weekend to run a half-marathon with a man I met on Twitter, and I could write a week’s worth of articles about the conversations we had at Starbucks and Olive Garden.
I met an amazing, passionate individual in Chris Porter whose building real communities in his part of the world and I met him on Twitter.
If you don’t think you can build genuine friendships and real connections on social media, it’s only because you’re not out there making it happen.You should change that today.
This experience isn’t the exception to the rule. It’s a prime example of what’s possible. I now have dozens of friends that I talk with so regularly that I feel like we’ve been friends for a life time.
A Guide to Effective Friendship Marketing
As you build an army of friends online, you’ll find that content promotion, conversations in the comments, and social sharing will begin to grow around your site. Networking is powerful in this regard.
I’m working hard to build my army and it’s incredibly effective. I don’t ask for retweets. I don’t ask for facebook shares. I don’t target friends and ask for link-exchanges or tweet exchanges.
If I did that, then I wouldn’t be about building real friendships. I would be about the reciprocation, the self-promotion and the idea of personal gain which I mentioned at the beginning of the post. Real friendships aren’t built on that.
I build conversations and watch the rest come in. Just as I want to help promote those who I care about, they in turn want to promote me. Simply by enjoying casual, meaningful conversations with my friends, I’ve seen a dramatic increase in social sharing and in profits at the site.
I feel like I’m getting paid for nothing more than spending time with some amazing people. It’s amazing. That’s the power of friendship marketing.
The power is in your focus. Focus your attention communicating as a friend among friends.
The irony is that as you take your eyes off of the reciprocation, that’s often when the reciprocation begins to happen.
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
~ John Maxwell
For another perspective of friendship marketing, check out Seth Waite’s Friendship Marketing: Putting Friends First.
Keith said:
In your header the tweetie bird says “follow” me not “friend” me
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Ha ha. Good catch. I didn’t even notice that one. LOL
Rhys said:
Beaten to it!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I’ve now updated it but it may take up to 24 hours for my CDN to update across the board.
Radu Tyrsina said:
Hey buddy, I do find a lot of truth in your post, but there is also an alernative aspect.
The fact that you lack time A LOT and sometimes one must wait for some good days before receiving a reply from you…
Nicholas Cardot said:
That’s a debate the I used to have with Jordan Cooper a lot. At some point, I have to prioritize and my 50 hours a week to the United States Military has to come first.
I can only do so much.
Radu Tyrsina said:
Nicholas, I understand you
I’m also very budy with writing my book. The second year already
p.s – maybe the book will help you save time
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Jean said:
Some people’s tweets are worth waiting for. I know Nick is busy but also know that seeing him in my stream will make me smile.. always a good thing:)
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Thanks for that Jean. That means a lot to me.
Christopher Porter said:
It was awesome to run with you man, and an honor.
Social media really is about building relationships one person at a time, and you are doing just that!
It was an awesome adventure, and I look forward to more soon
Nicholas Cardot said:
Me too. I’ll be seeing you at the tail end of March and I promise I’ll be a better competition for you that time…although those hills might kick my butt.
Well, at least I’ll have fun. I can say that much. LOL
Peter said:
Fantastic.
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Will Rendle said:
Interesting concept, I’ve spent a fair amount of time recently reading up on SEO, traffic generation and social media advertising for a project I am working on and have been a little disgruntled by the techniques many tweeters, facebook companies and bloggers seem to use. This brings back the human touch to the cyber world which is scary to so many people. Great blog keep them coming.
Nicholas Cardot said:
I’ve experienced that same disgruntlement that you’re talking about. It’s discouraging.
It sounds great hearing people talk about how to make mega cash on the internet while you sleep, but I’m learning that the more you connect, the more rewarding our online experiences are. I’ve also noticed that the demographic of the people who associate with me has completely changed for the better.
I now find very intelligent and passionate people to connect with. It’s really great.
Leon Aldrich said:
I’m glad to be part of your demographic.
I saw a tweet referring to you as the “Walt Whitman of Blogging.”
Nicholas Cardot said:
You don’t by chance know who said that do you? I’d love to see that tweet?
Laura Click said:
I love this post and this story, Nicholas! This is a great example of what’s possible with Twitter and social media in general. Instead of looking at it as a megaphone to scream your messages at people, look at it as a vehicle to create connections that would never have been possible before the advent of the social web.
It’s been a pleasure getting to know you in recent weeks, Nicholas. You definitely practice what you preach!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I feel the same toward you. It’s been great connecting with you and our friendship only serves to prove this amazing concept ever further. Friendships can be build on social media.
So do you run?
Laura Click said:
Amen!
And yes, I DO run. So, this story resonated with me even more. Just like your friend in this story, I had never been a runner until I started training for my first half marathon in January 2010. I ran my first one in April 2010 and my second one in September. I’m now training for my third!!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Ahh, that’s right. I think I remember you mentioning that now. I apologize for having forgotten.
So when and where are we going to run one together?
Laura Click said:
That’s quite alright. Yes – it would be fun to run one together. I’m doing the Music City 1/2 Marathon in Nashville in April. You’re welcome to come on down!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
That sounds like fun. Give me a link to the event and the dates. You already know what happened the last time someone invited me to run a half marathon.
Nicholas Cardot said:
Oh yeah, and don’t forget to bring your A game.
Laura Click said:
The race is April 30. Here’s the website: http://nashville.competitor.com/
Let me know if you’re interested! I’m training with a group and you’re welcome to run with us, but I have a feeling I’m going to be slower that you!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Remind me when it gets closer. I definitely want to run that with you. That would be lots of fun.
Let me call a friend of mine who lives in Tennessee and see how far he lives from Nashville. I’ll mooch a room off of him and save a little cash that way.
Laura Click said:
Will do. I’m so impressed you want to come!
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Gabriele Maidecchi said:
Social media is a method of building friendships as good as any other. It’s not the medium, but the people using it that matters the most in my opinion.
If you approach social media with the right mind-set (the “building relationships” rather than “spam commercial content” one, that is) it all comes really natural.
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Nicholas Cardot said:
You’re so incredibly right when you say that it’s not the medium that matters. I’ve made friends while crawling face first through the mud in basic combat training and in beautiful resort hotels. I’ve made friends on Twitter and Facebook.
I wish I could just tell of all the amazing people that I meet.
Katie said:
Hey, Nick! I was glad you came out to run with us… and I never would have met you without the friendship you and Chris built on Twitter.
Good post!
Nicholas Cardot said:
I’m so glad that I came out there also. I had such a great time. Chris and I are talking about running another one in March. Will you be running that one?
Katie said:
I don’t know. My toe needs to heal a bit, but if it’s the one in Oro Valley/Tucson, I just might give it a go.
Where is it?
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Yeah. That’s the one. I think it’s on the 27th of March. I’m going to try to make it.
TrafficColeman said:
I think accepting a friendship is just the start of it..I think you must talk through skype or chat to really build a strong friendship so you both can piggy back off each other accomplishments..
“Black Seo Guy “Signing Off”
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Nicholas Cardot said:
What do you mean by build off of each others accomplishments?
tushar said:
yupp…friendship can go a long way in marketing….but i believe that just do not look in the business way…
personal relations also go a long way
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Nicholas Cardot said:
But that’s exactly my point. We don’t need to live life just looking for those mutually beneficial business type relationships. We can build genuine friendships with highly-motivated, like-minded people and these relationships are amazing. They open doors. They motivate. They empower us.
Dino Dogan said:
Gettin little preachy there buddy
Ive used mass follow tools (remember blast follow?) and have discovered some amazing tweeps that way with whom Ive made deep, deep connections..so, whos to say whats right and whats wrong.
I agree with you about the follow vs. friend me on Twitter. I was never comfortable with the “follower” label (on myself or others).
On my blog, I use “Stay in touch via Twitter”…its much more accurate in terms of what I actually use Twitter for.
As always dude…great stuff, but I did notice you getting little self righteous in your recent posts. What gives? Are we not all sinners? lol
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I used to use a lot of those techniques also and I wish I hadn’t. I used to use mass follow tools and I made some great connections but most of those were just numbers next to my twitter profile. They weren’t connections.
Today if you go through the list of people that I follow, you could ask me to tell you something about any of them and I can. I know a little bit about each of them. I’m actually connecting with the people that I follow and I’m getting much more accomplished.
I’m sorry if it sounds preachy, but I don’t write for any other reason than to challenge the way that people think. I don’t read articles that I already agree with. I look for subject that challenge me to think more intelligently and to change the way I do things.
Steve Roy said:
Once again you have taught us a valuable lesson. You are a rarity in this business, which is one of the reasons you are so successful.
In my experience, very few bloggers (including myself) spend enough time creating friendships.
If we want to build a community with our blogs, we really to focus on the relationships.
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Nicholas Cardot said:
We sure do.
Hey, you wanna get breakfast tomorrow?
Ankit Saini said:
I liked your post as i give me a new direction in social marketing..
Thanks
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I’m glad to hear that, Ankit. I hope that new direction is the direction you’ve been looking for.
Suzanne C said:
Nicholas, I have to tell you that I have absolutely no interest in marketing, yet I have read all your posts.
Why?
Because obviously you have made a connection with me and I have interest in you and what you write.
I’d say you are doing a damn good job!
Nicholas Cardot said:
Thanks, Suzanne. This is one of the reasons why I’m so sick of marketers talking about having to define your demographics and target your audience.
Although that’s somewhat true, just being authentic and passionate and actually being friendly can make miracles happen.
You are my proof of that.
Jean said:
People ask me what tools I use to
“manage my followers” they are amazed when I tell them that I don’t use any.
I tweet to people who interest me, I respond to followers who actually speak to me. Sometimes I’m rewarded with making a new friend & getting to know their friends as well.
Sometimes I do look over my followers but I do manually, looking at pics and bios to find
common interests or something quirky (the stranger you are the better I like you it seems:)but no automated tools or tricks, just acting in a normal way.
Thank you for once again proving to me what an awesome attitude & thought process you have:)
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I never discovered the real potential of Twitter until I stopped using the tools and programs that are available and I just started chatting as a friend among friends.
I love looking at the pics and bios also. I love it when folks have a picture of themselves on there instead of a logo or something like that. It makes it feel more real to me.
And thank you for your kind words, Jean.
Ryan Critchett said:
Nicholas! This is awesome – Your site is a breath of fresh air in the social world. I keep trying to tell people to stop shoving their product down my throat and shake my hand first!
I run too, AMAP! So healthy.
Great post.
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Thanks for the kind words, Ryan and it’s been fun talking with you on Twitter.
Now will please just buy all of my products? LOL
I actually feel the same way. I’m constantly thinking to myself, “Come on, man. Back off!”
What part of the country are you in and when is the next big event that you plan on running? Maybe we can make something happen.
Ryan Critchett said:
“Now please buy my products!” LOL. I know, me too.
I’m in Pennsylvania, some big things are in the making (this new concept of free agent entrepreneurship), I’ve spoken at a couple of small gigs and it’s expanding. I’ll keep you posted on events!
Yea, it’s been fun being human! RC
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I’m in the DC area so I could easily come up there and run an event sometime. That’s definitely not far. However, I’m moving back to Illinois in April so if you have an event before then, just let me know. I’d be happy to be a part of it.
Ryan Critchett said:
Awesome man! I’ll keep you posted for sure – Even thereafter, we should do something together – This is going to be huge!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
I think so too. I’ve already got two more runs scheduled now with folks I’ve met online. I see this getting bigger and bigger. It’s going to be a lot of fun.
Katey said:
I feel ripped off … you have not flown to Aussie land haha
What I love about what you did Nick is like float down in a cloud of twitter awesomeness and connect who knew friendships could build so quickly in 140 characters!
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Nicholas Cardot said:
That’s just because I’ve been too lazy to go get my passport. I definitely need to get that soon though so I can start visiting more people…like you!
Leon Aldrich said:
You don’t need a passport for Australia anymore. Just say ProBlogger and click your heels x3.
Nicholas Cardot said:
Ahh. Thanks for the travel tip. LOL
Fred said:
All the same it is better to have more friends in real life. But the friendship on the Internet – a very useful thing. Not only with the help of Twitter, and for example using the same facebook or forums. More friends – more traffic)
Nicholas Cardot said:
I agree that it’s better to have friends in real life, but that’s why I’m so intent on meeting as many people that I know online in real life. That’s why I took Chris up on his offer to meet in real life and run that half-marathon. That’s why I want to meet as many more people as possible.
Brankica said:
Nicholas,
I noticed your “strategy” when I first ran into your blog and I think it is the right way to do it.
I believe I am doing it the same way, and although I still haven’t met any of my social media friends live, I still think I made some friends online.
I don’t follow to get a follow back, I don’t ask for shares and RTs and I am always just searching for people to connect with.
Thanks for this story, I bet you guys had great time
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Nicholas Cardot said:
We really did have a great time.
After meeting with Chris over in Phoenix, I came to realize that you don’t have to meet someone in real life to be their friend. Twitter was enough to bring us together. Although you haven’t met these people in real life, they are still friends. You’re exactly right about that.
After meeting him offline, I know value my online friends this much more because I’ve gained a greater understanding of the fact that there is a real person behind the profile picture.
We’re not virtual friends. We’re real people just using a different medium to connect than we could have 10 years ago.
Lora Frost said:
Nicholas, great article. It was succinct and shared the most important piece of social media that many people seem to have a hard time grasping. I’ll be sharing this with a few of the twitter newbies I know
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Nicholas Cardot said:
Thank Lora. I really appreciate that. I agree that far too many are missing this, but I’m also starting to find that a lot of folks are starting to get it. There’s a tremendous community of folks online that are really connecting and building real relationships.
Adebola said:
Thanks for another wonderful post Nic. Not been using twitter that much but after reading your wonderful experience, I will make sure I start using it to build great relationships.
Keep the fire burning man!
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Lauren Ashley Miller said:
I absolutely adore this post, Nicholas! And I agree 100%. The actual friendships I’ve built on Twitter like what you describe have given me way more “in return” in the long run and are REAL, which makes them so much more valuable. I’ve yet to meet someone in person, but I’m looking forward to the day I do!
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Brad Harmon said:
Reporting for duty, sir! Consider me one of your latest enlistees in the army you’re building. The more I get to know you, the more I know posts like this are what you truly believe. It’s in your actions.
Just this past week you started two conversations with me on Twitter from a mere mention that I tweeted about you. I love how you take any scrap of interaction and try to form a relationship with it.
I wish there were more people like you on Twitter who understood how it’s meant to be done.
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AJ said:
Inspiring post Nicholas. As a really shy guy I don’t comment much or write a blog yet but I feel like I met a lot of cool people from reading comments and your posts. Thanks for helping me take step out of my comfort zone
Shree said:
Hi Nicholas, as usual another great post of yours. I like reading your posts a lot. They not only prove to be helpful, but also has a personal touch to it.
Communicating as a friend helps to grow more.
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Peter said:
The reason the emphasis is on building followers instead of friends is obvious. Businesses aren’t interested in making friends. Friends aren’t profitable. By extension, the SEOs paid to build a company’s online presence aren’t looking to make friends. They’re looking to demonstrate that they’ve made substantive contributions to the business, and keep their jobs.
Incidentally, I think you’re entirely right. Taking the attitude that you’re looking to start conversations is likely to elicit a much better reaction from people. But that’s difficult to justify in a work setting when money is involved.
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Albin Stööp said:
I’ve myself discovered that friendship marketing is king. In january – I recieved consultant jobs on Twitter worth of 10k dollars, just by beeing a friend.
Social media is awesome.
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Reza Winandar said:
Well, at least we can share informations and tricks with our friends!
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ah hong said:
It’s an inspiring post Nick. But most of the time it looks like the cycle is “You.follow.Me & I.follow.You” and end of story. It’s better to befriend with the people who share the same passion instead of blind follow. Lesson learnt.
Barry Feldman said:
Wow. Not sure what I like more, your ideas or your sincerity. I wish I came across your blog earlier. I’m in now. Hope to exchange ideas for some time to come. BTW, I always thought that Maxwell quote was FDR. Someone gave me some bad info.